Steph's Friend

Sunday, April 30, 2006

Remaining As A Virgin -> A Treasure Or Unwanted Individual?

(Warning: This post may have some adult references. Please read with caution. If you are below 18, please click here.)

Are you a virgin? If you are do you think it's good to remain so?

I was surfing around Yahoo! Answers when I saw this question "Do females find viginity in a man attractive?". I know the answer? Nope as first, I am not a female, so I won't know how the female mind works. Second, not all females think the same way. This question was asked by a male.

I went in to take a look...

Interestingly, there are some who prefer an "experienced" man.
cheeronu1: I like a experienced man. But if your in highschool or even just starting college hold off, till you feel you are ready. Every girl likes something different in a guy.

colie: Not really, unless your in high school then the girls probably like that but I wouldn't want to be a teacher. I like when a man knows what he's doing.
The majority however, prefer a man who is chaste.
some1karma: I certainly do, and don't look at you as trash or a wannabe. I appreciate a man's virginity. He will be just like me when we are married together for the first time.

ysa_ashenkin: Too be the first especially in a loving relationship or to know that he waited until we were married is one of the highest honors a person can give to another. There is only one first, and that one will be remembered forever, so make sure it's a memory you want to have and not a regret that will haunt you.

smile101: Absolutely, It makes a women feel great to know that she is the first and that the guy she is with is strong enough to have told all of the past girls "no". Keep waiting for the perfect girl.

tx_born_n_bred04: I find that very shows that he values himself as a person and is not afraid of what other people think of him. I am a virgin and I'm proud to admit it. Virginity is a gift that you should save for your husband or wife.
Then there are those who doesn't mind if the man has it or not.
krislh79: I would prefer a man to not be a virgin, so he know's what he's doing. However, I wouldn't mind if a guy were a virgin.
And here's the best answer according to the one who asked the question.
JustMe: YES, definitley. Knowing that I'm the first girl he ever cared enough about to share that gift with is definitley attractive :)
So I guess, the winning cup goes to the party that prefers a chaste man.

How about a virgin female? There's this question that was asked - "guys choose: Virgin or no virgin wife?". The asker is a female.

Interestingly, majority of those who answered this question prefer an "experienced" person.
Honey: An experienced partner is always better than unexperienced

TheAfrican: Either is fine, but experienced is prefered. I say that because of future reference.
Then there's this sad view.
james: We want to date easy women and then marry a virgin.
The best answer chosen by the asker is this.
prepelita1212: Im 30, single guy, girls say im cute, im a Christian but still as sinner. I am a virgin, and I would so love for the girl God has for me to also be a virgin. It's so rare to find in todays culture someone who thinks beyond todays pleasures. Yeah, we are all horney, im like a 9 out of 10 but I want to save that for my wife. I know very few couples that waited till marriage and none of them regret it. I want to share my story to my friends and children (when they are older) on how me and their mother waited for eachother and committed to only be with eachother. So thats the story from a guy from Michigan. I think I will ask a questin now, virgin or no virgin husband see what happens :P
Okay, after reading the two sides, I feel that it's quite sad that people no longer treasure their chastity as they used to. Personally, I feel that it's good to remain chaste. I mean, can you imagine how happy your spouse will be if you say, "I am still chaste and I would like to give it to you." It speaks volumes of your commitment and dedication in waiting for the person of your life. I know I would be happy if she said that to me as I know from there she trusts me and loves me to entrust something so precious that she has kept all these while to me.

What if someone is no longer chaste due to some sexual abuse early on in their life? I feel that it's still okay as chastity is more than just the physical, it involves something deeper, something that cannot be seen and hence cannot be taken unless the owner gives it. I believe that for such people, they still have it even though physically speaking it's gone. So I believe they are still chaste in that sense.

Conclusion? Treasure it, people around may say that you are "left in the shelf" or "unwanted". But hey! You have something that they don't. And that special someone in your life will appreciate it. If he/she doesn't, then he/she is not worthy of you.

I hope that this post will encourage you in keeping yourself for him/her.

"A moment's pleasure may result in a lifetime of regret, so don't throw it away." ~ Anonymous

(Note: These are views of different individuals, so please don't flame them if you disagree with them. Everyone is unique and hence think differently. Typos are kept as they are in the sites where they are shown.)

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Blogger Venitha said...

All this waiting/not waiting debate is highly romanticized, and I wonder where it comes from - too many Disney movies? Also, how different would the conclusion be if older and presumably wiser people were surveyed.

On a camping trip with a dozen women in their 30s, we all unanimously agreed that we wished we'd had MORE sexual partners and not waited as long as we had. I know it's not what anyone wants young people to hear, but waiting forever and making sex this huge deal can be just an unhealthy as the opposite.

9:08 AM, May 03, 2006  
Blogger Steph said...

Interesting point of view.

It's true that supressing hormonal urges is not very healthy, but that doesn't mean that we should let ourselves free. How would someone feel if his/her spouse tells him/her that he/she is not the first one? It's true that love overcomes all issues, including issues on chastity, but won't it be still in your mind? Let's face it, we are all humans, a complete "forgive and forget" is near imposible. Why go through all that trouble when you can exercise a bit of self-control now and make that someone feel special.

Let me share with you something that my friend shared with me.

She is married with a wonderful man. However, he was not the first. He told her that she was the first in his life. No doubt it made her ver happy. But she couldn't say the same thing to him. Not wanting to disappoint him, she told him likewise, only to have her conscience pricked with guilt. She shared with me that if there was something she could do about her past, it would be her previous boyfriends who used her as "training ground".

This story may not be applicable to all, but I symphatised with her. Now, they have a happy family and all. But occasionally, thoughts from the past will haunt her.

Well, thanks for sharing you viewpoint on this topic, I appreciate your time spent in commenting :D It really gave me some food for thought.

6:22 PM, May 03, 2006  
Anonymous Kak Lis said...

It is up to individual to remain as a virgin or not. It is your own decision to make. I have nothing against virgins and non-virgins, but definitely if they really really want to have sex, kindly wait till you think that is the person you have been wanting to spend your lifetime with or grow old together.

Well, people change their perspectives and opinions every other day. At the age of 16, they say they want to remain virgins. At the age of 23, they feel it is time to let the suppression free.

A treasure or unwanted individual? Depends on the receivers themselves. Growing up with different mindsets and values makes a person who he is.

4:59 PM, May 04, 2006  
Blogger Steph said...

True, the decision is up to individuals. After all, different people have different values they believe in. If he/she is the one who you want to spend the rest of your life with, then I guess it's okay to consummate their marriage.

Your conclusion is very true and I agree with you.

Thanks for spending some time to share your thoughts. I appreciate it :)

12:59 PM, May 05, 2006  
Blogger Ó Seasnáin said...

I definately think chastity is important. My wife and I courted for seven years and we remained virgins in the courtship. We had LOTS of opportunity in college and such. But for us, even though we were sure that we would marry, it was important to remain sexually pure.

Let's just say that on the wedding night, there's a huge pay off. You know, without a doubt, that you are completely dedicating yourselves to each other. There is no other ghost in the bed. There is no comparison. You are the best for each other.

However, it is important to understand sex (my guess the "experienced" side is suggesting this) - there are books out like "Sheet Music" that are very helpful to read before the wedding night. It really is important to understand limitations and reasonable expectations before your first experience.

2:00 PM, May 07, 2006  
Blogger Steph said...

Hey, you are so right! I agree with you wholeheartedly that the joy of keeping oneself chaste till marriage is truly rewarding.

I may still be young (19) and still single, but I will want my wife to be a happy woman when she marries me, knowing that I am serious in this whole thing, waiting only for the right person before giving it to her.

Thanks for your interesting comments :D

5:45 PM, May 07, 2006  
Blogger Margo Pego said...

Steph, thanks for your blog & the importance of what you're saying.

I disagree with venitha about chastity & waiting being highly romanticized. For me it's not a romantic decision but, rather, a practical one. I'm 36 &, unlike her & her friends on the camping trip, I don't wish for more experience. Yes, I would've loved to have gotten married young, or at least mid-twenties, but it never happened, & I don't regret waiting. I'm still pure to this day & I know it's a wise decision I made. Yes, there are the cliches about no risk of STDs or unwanted pregnancies by keeping myself pure (I'm talking about no sex of any kind, whether intercourse or oral or what have you), but there's also the knowledge that I haven't given into peer pressure or what society thinks is the norm.

For me the norm is to live a Godly life that honours God with my purity via my body & mind & emotions.

If I do get married, I know that I will have given my husband the best gift I could ever give him (by the way, as a virgin, I want a man who's pure as well & who's saved himself for me. Part of it is romantic, but another part is because we'll be learning together. I don't buy all that stuff about sexual compatibility. If he's the man God wants for me, then we'll be compatible).

If I die, I know that I have pleased God by keeping myself pure to honour Him & to please Him. That's why I remain a virgin & chaste (to be a virgin & chaste are not necessarily synonymous - yes, chastity does require virginity, but there's so much more to chastity than virginity; there's a certain mindset & meaning behind it that virginity doesn't necessarily have) - to please God & to be a testimony of His purity & strength, as well as to show that a person doesn't need sex to be fulfilled, especially in this day & age.

Despite what it may sound like in what I wrote, I have nothing against people who give their viriginity away before marriage - I'm saddened by their decision. They may not see the negativity of what they've done, & I can only speak as someone without experience - I know that! You can't miss what you don't know, they say, but I know what I have now & don't want it any other way - unless I get married.

Keep up your commitment to chastity, Steph. Your wife will thank you for it! I pray that she remains pure for you as well. :)

2:17 AM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger Steph said...

Wow...that's the longest comment I've ever received! Thanks for the honest comment and your prayer.

Your comment is basically the same as my opinions on this matter. I thought that nobody would think the same way as I do in today's "modern society". I guess I was wrong :D

It's nice to know that there are people who think the same way as you.

Thanks for the encouragement. I too believe that He is in charge of everything, and would want the best for me. Your comment was very encouraging. Thanks.

God Bless.

8:30 PM, June 13, 2006  
Blogger MooNet said...

Hey, I found your blog through googling "Here is Love" the hymn. As I browsed on, I thought this post was pretty interesting and I'm wondering whether I can link to it?

I have a couple of friends who have lost their virginity at the tender age of 16 (or rather frankly, once the country's law allows them to, and in singapore and malaysia it is 16). Most even do so on their birthdays as a 'birthday present' somewhat, from their respective boyfriends/girlfriends. In fact I'm quite appalled at the rate Singaporean teenagers, even those underaged, are doing it. But it comes as no surprise to me.

Even in secondary school, the kids are already talking about sex and the various antics of it. Most are making fun of it of course, but sooner or later that 'fun' becomes 'fact' and it is not pretty.

The world has marred the line for many issues, especially those about sexuality. God made mankind with a sexual drive, but that doesn't mean we are allowed to abuse that right.

Actually there's a fantastic book about this which I find really helpful.
"Sex is not the problem, Lust is" by Joshua Harris.

1:43 AM, January 13, 2007  
Blogger Steph said...

Personally, I find it unwise to give it as a birthday present. I mean, there are other things to give other than their virginity.

Thanks for your honest comments. At least now I know that there are some teenagers who think in the same fashion.

God Bless.

9:24 AM, January 14, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Steph,

I find your topic very interesting, because you always welcome any comments, although you may not wholeheartedly agree with them.

As for me, I can only do my part of sharing as a married man who had resisted temptation for 30 years during singlehood.

You mentioned that you do not know female because you are not one. But actually, it's possible, if you know the "signs".

When we are single, both men and women alike, we only show people the nice side of us. When we are dating, we show our bf/gf a little bit more of our "true self". When we are married, we show our spouse more and more. So the question is, are you sensitive enough to pick up the little bit information here and there like a jigsaw puzzle, and build a correct image of your girlfriend at the right time? Your discerning skill plays a big factor in this phase.

As for virginity, I believe our actions originate from our heart. When a man/woman does not value virginity, the attitude shows something wrong out of his/her heart.
In "general" sexual promiscuity cases, there are "signs". Some of them are: Impatience, selfishness, disrespect of other people, out of self-control, jealousy, short-term thinking, and short-temper. These "signs" will appear in their daily habits, attitude, action, words, character, behaviour, thoughts, etc., especially under stressful time. (That's why you should not be afraid to make her angry, but you have to be reasonable yourself).

If you don't understand the depth of virginity issue, it's okay. Simply just ask yourself these questions: Do you want to marry an impatient wife? How about selfish wife? An out-of-control, short-temper wife? Until death do you part?

I am not saying all impatient people are not virgin, but all I want to say is that the sign is available for you to interpret.

Dear Steph, imagine an iceberg in front of you. You can only see how big it is above the water, but you do not know underneath it. Respectively, virginity is just a superficial problem (above the water), but most of the times, it's the things you cannot see that will "kill" you (underlying matters of the heart).

I'll pray that God gives you patience to wait for that special person.

1:04 AM, February 14, 2007  
Blogger Steph said...

Thanks Anonymous.

It would certainly be very interesting to have an insight of what a married man for 30 years would have to say on such an issue that society would label as a "teen's thing".

It is very interesting how you approach this subject with the concept of the relationship between one's take on virginity and his/her character.

While it is true (in my opinion that is) that most cases (where people lose their virginity) occur in a moment of weakness and without thinking, there are those who lost it due to abuse or human trafficking. For such, it is sad. And maybe it is because of such a troubled past that the individual adopts an attitude of "Impatience, selfishness, disrespect of other people, out of self-control, jealousy, short-term thinking, and short-temper" like you said.

For such people, it's because of a stolen chastity that made them who they are and not who they are that causes them to lose their virginity.

Of course, I still agree with you that "signs" can be perceived and like an iceberg, it can help you to see that under the water if one is observant enough.

Through your comment, I learned that one's attitude towards his/her virginity can tell you something about his/her character.

Once again thank you Anonymous for the very helpful comment :)

God bless and thank you for your well-wishes.

It is a wonderful thing when that special person comes into your life . With that, thank you for the encouragement to be patient to wait for the special someone :D

6:56 AM, February 14, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Thanks for the post. I've wondered about this issue as well. It's more personal for me, since I am a virgin in my 30s. My decision to wait till marriage has to do with my respect for myself/body and personal values. However, living in NYC doesn't make things any easier, with men out for a casual fling and aggressive women who have no problems obliging. It's good to hear (or more appropriately read) that there are men who do respect and have no problems being with virgins--gives girls like me hope! Maybe I need to move whereever those posters live :)

10:05 AM, April 11, 2007  
Blogger Steph said...

Welcome Anonymous :)

It's not easy to be a virgin until that age, I respect you for this.

Do you know the lotus flower? It grows in a muddy and swamp-like environment but the flower that blooms is pristine and nothing like its environment.

Keep it for the man you truly love and he will respect you for that :)

8:36 PM, April 11, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Steph, I love your perspective and agree with it. But I have one bone to pick... Your comments about sexual abuse amount to, "I guess they're not really chaste, but it isn't their fault, so I guess it's OK." This is awfully casual for such an important, painful topic.
Look, biological virginity can be lost to sexual abuse, but chastity is not primarily about biology. Someone who has been abused but has never willingly given themselves to another person is CHASTE!!! It is a very, very beautiful thing for someone to say, "I have never willingly given myself to anyone. In fact, the only experiences I've had have been devastatingly painful. But I am willing to face that pain so I can give myself fully to you." This is not cheaper or less-than the gift of full biological virginity. In many ways, it is even more amazing. Please give this kind of chastity full value!

11:13 AM, August 06, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is random...this blog somehow came up through google as I was searching for hymns to use at my wedding, and I just have to say... To the person who said the husband/wife would be disappointed to find out their spouse was not as virgin on their wedding night - such a hypothetical couple has much greater problems to deal with (communication!) than sex.

8:37 AM, August 28, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Gr8 page I would just like to say that I am a 26 year old virgin and I'm finding it increasing more difficult to remain. Most of my friends have lost their virginity and they dont seem to understand why I choose to wait. Most guys I enter into relationships with have previously slept with their partners and most cant understand my reasons why. I guess my main reason is moral and I am a spiritual person who is a christian and believes in god, and also it is very worrying and difficult for women ensuring they are adequately protected against pregnancy -(one friend, a girl I used work with, became pregnant from a random stranger she met at a party from a one night stand, sad but true) It certainly makes you think anyway I hope to remain like this until I do marry.But I am looking for advice from both a male and female about how I can justify my reasons to my boyfriend / future partners as they never seem to understand my reasons, it seems impossible to find a man who does. (F-Dublin/Ireland)

9:06 AM, May 01, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In today's changing world, vices are seen as a thing of option more than what it really is. Vices are promoted and virtues are regarded as old fashioned. No matter how we try to paint a vice as a treasure, it still stands for what it is. I am a virgin and I am 30 years old. I do not see it as old fashioned. The most important gift I can give to my future husband is my virginity. God has designed it so. I am not talking about those who have lost their virginity as a result of rape. Virginity is the pride of a woman and I stand for the cause that it is better a woman keeps her self till marriage. To me, if man does not appreciate that I am keeping myself from sin, shame and disgrace, I strongly believe that there is one person who is out there boasting about me to his enemy; THAT PERSON IS GOD. Like God boasted about Job, let us give God the pleasure to boast about us anytime, any day to the devil. Let all men and women, old and young stand up for this course.
Even if we are not looking at it from the religious point of view, we find out that there are so many disadvantages attached to sexual promiscuity. Are we ready to bargain for these inconveniences attached with these all our lives?

8:51 PM, June 24, 2008  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Study (and my life) shows there's some truth to "use it or lose it."

11:30 AM, January 16, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I LOVE YOU :) God bless xxx

2:47 PM, March 25, 2010  
Anonymous Lonely philanthropist said...

Thanks so much for this wonderful post and comments.

27 and the thought that I haven't even been on a date was making me loose faith in God.

This wonderful topic has reinstated my faith in God and my decision to remain virgin.

9:06 PM, January 05, 2013  
Anonymous Ysa Ashenkin said...

A friend of mine came across this blog while doing a search for me. And first I'd like to say that I am flattered to be quoted and second that even now all these years later, my opinion has not changed. Young people please listen. You are your most treasured possession. Don't throw your heart and bodies away so cheaply. You deserve to be treasured and loved. I have never heard anyone say on their wedding day "I am so glad I slept around before I met you." Failed sexual relationships put scars on your heart that never heal and damage your future relationships. You have only three gifts to give away: your virginity, your name (taken by your wife or given away in sake of your husband's name) and your children. If you give all three to the same person it only makes your marriage that much stronger and more rewarding. If you have made mistakes then Chastity is a wonderful gift as well. Please understand this. You are a treasure worthy of safekeeping.

2:41 AM, February 05, 2015  

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