Steph's Friend

Monday, February 26, 2007

Waiting For The Right Girl/Woman

I thought about it for quite sometime. Should I blog about this? Hm...after much thought I decided to. Why? Simple.

1. I hope that those who are facing the same situation as me would be able to seek solace in the fact that they are not alone.

2. A blog after all, is an avenue where you pen down your thoughts and ideas.

So here goes...

At times when in the MRT / bus I do see couples together. Couples can be as young as secondary school students to working adults. I would ask a lot of questions. For example.

1. Is the girl / woman happy?
2. Is the boy / man happy?
3. Is the relationship true or does it exist only for the benefit of one party?

Okay, those are just some questions that go across my mind. However, one important question that I guess can't be avoided is:

"Are they the right one for each other?"

One advice my parents gave was this (keep in mind that I come from a Christian family):

"If the Lord has a girl for you, you will meet her when the right time comes. He knows who is best suited for you and loves you. So don't worry too much. When the both of your meet, your will know. Your parents and her parents will know and agree to the relationship.

So you better study hard and stop dreaming about all of these and get into the Dean's List!"

Okay, so maybe the last part on studying hard was added by me, but the gist of their advice was simple - wait.

Sometimes waiting can be the most difficult thing to do. Like waiting for someone to update his/her blog (right Exo?) or waiting for a bus that seems to take hours to come or waiting for your turn in a queue for the ATM machine or waiting for the day to end so that you can go home. The list is endless. However, waiting for the right one can take years. Now the measurement unit has changed from minutes to hours and to years. I won't go into the statistical details like how much percentage increase there is from one to the other. It's a big change.

As I wait I do hear from my friends questions like "Hey, are you attached?". For such questions it's easy to answer. I can shake my head or utter a one-syllable word that consists of two letters. Not a very tough job.

They would recommend me to go to pubs and get to know girls to expand my social circle. Okay, it may seem like bad advice from them, but I take it as they are just being concerned for me. However, I don't really like the idea of getting to know girls from pubs. It's just not my type.

While waiting, I do see couples and all. At times, it is interesting to imagine and try to think what kind of girl would I end up with? Long hair? Short hair? Specs? And the list goes on.

Having a girlfriend would be nice in that your birthdays would be more special. You have someone close to you to share your thoughts and ideas. However, with relationships there maybe problems and friction that arises to. Like misunderstandings differences between the two. So I guess before entering a relationship, both parties must be prepared.

Last December when I went back to Medan, my grand-auntie asked me this question:

GA: So do you have a friend already?

Senior people like to ask such questions behind simple words. I don't know why. I guess it's their way of being tactful. Anyway, I pretended to be dumb, not because I don't respect her, but I am just trying to be sure she meant that kind of friend.

Me: Yah. In fact I have lots of friends.

I know, it sounds stupid.

GA: No...no. What I mean is special friend.

Me: Oh...I see...I see. Sadly, no.

GA: Really?

I guess people my age should be married and have children. After all, two friends of mine just got married last year and their age isn't far from mine. When they were married I was shocked, because of their young age. I guess it's because of society and cultural differences here and there.

Me: Yes. Really.

GA: Well, wait. The Lord has someone for you.

It's that advice again. I appreciate the reminder to wait. After all, at times people can forget and need to be reminded at one time or another.

I feel that a relationship should not be rushed and forced upon. Why? If it's unsuitable in the first place, what hope is there in the future other than people getting hurt and all.

I had one advice from one of my officers when I was in national service. He said something like this:

"Try to get a girlfriend when you are in University. It's because with all the activities and events, there will be a lot of opportunities for you to get to know girls. If you miss getting one in Uni life, it won't exactly be easy when you go into the workforce. Why? Because the good ones would have been taken during their Uni days."

My thoughts on that would be this. If the right one comes, I don't mind. But if the right one doesn't appear, I might as well study hard. Also, it need not be exactly true that good girls don't exist in the workforce. It maybe less or more. It depends on the girl herself. A good girl may decide to pair of early and have one in Uni or later and have one when she's in the workforce.

So what's my chance of getting a girlfriend? Haha...just wait and see. Why? Because I don't know the answer either...lol.

I better stop now as I need to get ready for work.


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7 Comments:

Anonymous freccia said...

interesting story you got there Steph..

one more advice that my Pastor said last week: marriage isn't about yourself. a Godly marriage is when 2 people with a purpose united together. marriage is about serving God's purpose and serve your spouse. if you are seeking your own pleasure, you are not ready to get married.

to be honest, I still don't understand his statement completely, but I believe that our life will be wonderful if we get married after we found our purpose in life. maka dari itu masa single inilah boleh dibilang masa preparation =)

find your purpose in life, seek His kingdom and everything else shall be added unto you

7:33 AM, February 28, 2007  
Blogger Steph said...

Thank you Freccia.

True...true...I agree with you.

Matthew 6:33. Nice verse.

Thanks for sharing your views :)

1:07 PM, March 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

this issue har....let god decide loh...couples must be frens and equally matched... i have kinda given up n turned male!!
its quite tough being independent AS gals are supposed to be nurturing a lot of times when i put in effort to find someone it doesnt work... so best is god loh.
relationships has to be a a support and sharing plus faithful....

8:30 PM, February 01, 2008  
Anonymous Dana K. said...

Hey Steph,

I can understand where you are coming from. I have ladies at my church trying to set me up with their sons and grandsons...because they think I'm great and can't understand why I'm single. And a lady at work asked me the other day, "who are you dating?" When I told her no one, she commenced to tell me I need to go out more and make myself available. I'm not anti-social, but I don't want to meet a man in a place I would not normally go for obvious reasons.

Anyways, I found some encouragement as I read this book "Choosing God's Best." The author talks about waiting on God's choice and the process of courtship. Also, a close friend of mine just recently got engaged...she's 28 and he's 34. She was in this great singles group for many years, but the guy for her just wasn't there...he was thousands of miles away serving in another country...where there aren't a ton of singles all in one place. So that encourages me as well! All of this to simply say, I think if you are meant to be married that God won't let you miss her and that your union will bring out the best in both of you, draw you both closer to God, and make a larger impact on those around you than what you could have done by yourself. Keep on persevering!

4:59 AM, April 25, 2009  
Blogger James said...

Hey Steph,

I am a guy that has never been in a relationship, and I don't attend church. Sometimes I find it frustrating seeing other people in them. Like you, I don't like to hang out at clubs at all and I generally only go to pubs with my brother and my closest friends. My brother is in a relationship with a really beautiful woman, and even he said not to force it. His words and your words make me feel a lot better, even though I try to stay positive all the time.

I guess I should keep thinking that she is out there somewhere! Thanks for the encouraging words bro!

1:34 AM, April 29, 2010  
Blogger James said...

Hey Steph,

I am a guy that has never been in a relationship, and I don't attend church. Sometimes I find it frustrating seeing other people in them. Like you, I don't like to hang out at clubs at all and I generally only go to pubs with my brother and my closest friends. My brother is in a relationship with a really beautiful woman, and even he said not to force it. His words and your words make me feel a lot better, even though I try to stay positive all the time.

I guess I should keep thinking that she is out there somewhere! Thanks for the encouraging words bro!

1:36 AM, April 29, 2010  
Blogger Lesop said...

I feel the same. I think about how she is going to be, or at least how is everything is goingo to be. You are right is hard to wait for the right, but gladly reading and realizing myself that I'm not the only one in this situation is really satisfying. I also only go to pubs with someone close but just to talk. I think that there is a women out there looking for the same thing I'm looking for, but sadly I haven't met her yet.

1:20 AM, October 06, 2015  

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